The start of my abuse with men with dirty hands

Born in 1972 I have 1 sister and 2 brothers I am the eldest we were born in Peterborough area   which is were we lived for 8 half years.We lived in the same road as my granddad and 2 aunties and uncles we were the poorest of the families and we got used to hand me downs they were nice clothes had a crush on my cousin named Jack he was mixed race one of my aunties married a black man we even tried to have sex together when we  were 8 but never got very far I also learn t at that age how to pleasure myself my dad always liked to have a drink he lost his first job as a bin man then his second job at a factory due to depression did not know that at the time One day when I had to pop over to my granddads house as mum wanted to borrow some butter I went in and spoke to granddad when he saw me he got his willy out and said if i popped back would i like to play with it I ran out of there in a shock then mum said I would have to return it I was so scared as i knew what might happen i ran straight in and out so fast with my heart pounding i put butter back without granddad getting me what i did not realize this was just the start of me being abuse not long after my grandad died i was not sad and i did not tell my parents about that day with the butter not long after my uncle died in a accident at work everyone was sad.my family moved to another area of peterborough for a couple of years which was a council house the school was better there as I was popular and no one knew me my last school I was picked on a lot for not wearing the right clothes and my cousin made out we were not related he was embarrassed of our family it was his dad that died in a work accident.when i was ten dad decided i should know about the facts of life by showing me dirty magazines i was so embarrassed but trusted my dad mum never said anything one evening when i was 10 i got groped by a group of lads it was horrible they were older than i was but it was my fault because one evening while getting dressed for bed i saw some lads on top of the car park over looking my bedroom window and deliberately left my curtains open so they could see me while it was dark outside i put the bedroom light on so they could see me but made out i did not know they were there it made me feel good.one day while going to town on my own i went into a second hand shop and saw some lovely red shoes i really wanted them but could not afford them there was a dirty old man there i think he worked there he knew i liked the shoes he said if i allow him to touch me through my knickers i could have the shoes for free i thought that's easy i said yes he did touch and rub me and he gave me the shoes i was so happy to have these shoes now they were mine to keep i went home smiling and hid the shoes away so no one knew i had them it was like a secret then when i turned 10 and a half we moved to a house in fletton not far from woodston and that's when my dad started molesting me waiting till late at night then come in my room were my sister also slept and start touching me i pretended to be asleep then pretend to start sturing and he would pretend he was looking out the window this became a regular thing by the time i had started secondary school it was happening most nights i got expelled from my school for being disrupted in class tearing friends books in class and throwing chairs around and swearing eventually i was being put into a special school for disruptive children my brother went there too we used to fight like cat and dog all the time i enjoyed that school i was the prettiest girl there and was always winning my sport day events like swimming and running but some teachers were very cruel to us students one teacher Mr Mack would line us up in the court yard and crow peck us on the head its was painful as we had all misbehaved in class he was also my maths teacher we also had a husband and wife teacher Mrs Jackson i had her for biology lessons if you misbehaved in her class she would be on the phone to Mr Jackson so when i was in his lesson next i would get a slap on the leg us pupils were so used to this it became normal one time i tipped my table in Mr  Jackson class and i was pinned down by Mr Jackson until i had calmed down nobody knew why i was so disruptive in school until one day at ice skating a treat for us pupils for being good i told my two friends Rachel and Clair that i was being touched by my dad at home at night time and that he would buy me gifts for not telling anyone but i had had enough i could not carry on they told me to say something to my teachers but i was scared what about my brothers and sister and my mum even though she once asked me if my dad had touched me i said no it was about two days later that i decided to tell someone about my dad i was in Mr Jackson class and we had a helper in class to her name was Mrs Smith i started crying in class and she took me out of class to a private room to ask me what was wrong i told her my dad came into my bedroom at night and touched me and lift my night dress up and once he tried to put his willy inside me but i think i tensed up so he put his finger in there instead she explained this was a serious matter and to tell the truth she then told me to stay in the room while she spoke to our head master Mr Lays and also Mr Mack i was then taken to the headmasters room were Mrs Smith Mr Mack and Mr Lays as was asked was it true that i was being touched by my dad i said yes they said you do realize the police have to be brought in i nodded yes i was in tears i was so scared of what my mum would say the police came and took my statement i was not aloud to leave school until the police had spoken to my mum and dad when a police man come back i was taken to police station were i was examined by a lady police doctor and she told police i had been sexually assaulted down below i was then told by a police man that my dad had admitted sexually assaulting me and he was going to be in court the next day i was then taken home later that day.